So, Adam was feeling adventurous today and got us these burgers at McDonald's for lunch. They had bacon in their name, so it seemed a natural fit, right?
Mine had no bacon on it at all. I question the rationale of a bacon burger without any bacon, but I'll assume it was a mistake and they didn't realize that we were there to review their burgers for this world-famous bacon website. (ed. we're assuming future world famous status).
Well, first impressions for me was all about the appearance. It actually looked like a decent burger. By that I mean it looked closer to a burger I would get at a place I'm not ashamed to be seen eating at. Don't get me wrong, I eat the shit out of McDonalds hamburgers. Probably too often. I just tend to hide the wrappers when I'm done to pretend that it never happened.
I agree. I did look pretty nice. The burger patty was thick and actually looked like beef and it held together well in my hands.
Next up, the smell... it smelled strongly of smoke and processed cheese. I assumed that this bloody-puss coloured substance leaking out of it was a smokey creamy BBQ sauce, so it wasn't surprising.
What was surprising was the taste... That bloody puss would have been better if it were bloody puss. It was sickeningly sweet, salty, and loaded with smoke flavour - not in a pleasant way for any of those three. I'll leave it to Adam to point out if the bacon made the flavour any more balanced, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say not.
I'm sorry to say, but I think I'd be hard-pressed to find a bacon that could compete with that ungodly 'sauce' they used. I couldn't taste anything but that. It had four tiny slivers of bacon, of which I tasted none.
Seriously I can't get past that sauce. It's shitty flavour overwhelmed everything else about the burger. I took some fries and scraped the shit off the last third of my burger and went and got some roasted garlic mayo to put on it. Suddenly it went from abomination which - in times of war - would be a violation of the Geneva Convention to feed to starving prisoners, to a tasty product.
Arg! The taste just gets worse the more you eat it. Why? Why would they put this sauce on a burger?! It's making my tongue cry. If they had used pretty-much any other sauce, this could have been pretty decent. And describing a McDonald's burger as 'decent' would be high praise.
Anyways, considering it was only really enjoyable after I took their shitty sauce off of it and put mine on, and the fact that mine had no goddamn bacon, I'm going to give this a review of negative five bacon strips. If it had bacon on it, I'd probably let it go with a zero.
To be honest, I feel bad for the poor dog having to eat this shit.
Agreed. I feel worse than the time we fed him the bacon toothpaste.
He didn't look sad when he ate the toothpaste. He looked downright dejected after eating that burger.
You bastards... What have you given me?! What is this travesty?! I ate it expecting delicious bacony treats, and you reward me with this? I shall poop on your carpet later for this.