The Triple-Bypass Triple-Bacon Burger @ CheeseCurdsHFX
Okay, so, first off - I'm sorry this isn't a group post. It's not because I went to Cheese Curds on my own as I was feeling adventurous and gluttonous.
So I went to Cheese Curds on Windmill Road and informed the clerk I was with a bacon enthusiast website, then asked for the baconiest bacon burger ever baconed. This particular cashier is always incredibly chatty and never lost for words... until I said that. If any of you know the guy I'm talking about, you'll be shocked to know he was without words for a good 20-30 seconds.
Once he rebooted with the ridiculous nature of my request, and processed my instructions that 'if I'm not at risk for a heart attack, we've failed' he grinned and said 'lets have some fun'.
So, we ordered me a triple bacon burger, sub out the peameal bacon for bacon strips, sub out the sauteed onions for bacon bits, extra bacon strips, and extra double-smoked bacon. He went back to the kitchen to make sure the nuances of my order were fully understood.
If you've never been to Cheese Curds before, when your order is ready you have a buzzing coaster which.. well.. buzzes. It wasn't necessary for me: when my burger came out, the guys at the topping station just stopped. One of them went into the kitchen to verify the order. Perhaps to see if there were any legal risks in serving a burger of this nature - I'm not sure.
After the creation of the masterpiece was done, and it was dressed (in lettuce, tomato, pickle, spicy relish, ketchup, and mayo) I took it and the hotdog (that will be another post starring Cheryl - I couldn't punish my body any further after this burger) and returned to the front counter.
I should mention; the clerk at the front told me he would sell me such a thing on condition that I took it to him for him to get a picture of it.
Anyways, he took pictures of it, and the chef came out and took pictures of it, and people were talking about it.. well. I was about to eat it. So let the questions begin.
What were your first impressions of the burger, prior to eating it?
First off I was overwhelmed by the fact that I had about a pack of bacon on a bun with an 8oz burger patty. Then I started considering my health. I actually weighed the question of how much bodily harm this burger could do to me, and if my life was in jeopardy. When I came to the conclusion that it probably wouldn't kill me, I dove in.
How did it smell?
Like bacon. Really. Like a shit ton of bacon. I couldn't even smell the relish with it right by my nose because of the ENORMOUS STACK OF BACON.
How did it taste?
It tasted amazing. I mean it was such a variety of bacon. I mean it wasn't 'triple bacon' anymore because I had done away with the peameal stuff, but it was an absolute assload of bacon - double smoked and regular. The variety of bacon textures played a symphony in my mouth while the grease and the relish and pickles' acidity did a dance of their own. It tasted (unsurprisingly) mostly of bacon, but the hints of quality beef and vinegars and spice were entrancing.
Would you eat it again?
You know what, maybe. I'm not sure. I don't think I would add all the extra bacon again. I don't intend to make this site an Epic Meal Time ripoff or anything, nor am I actually trying to have a triple bypass... okay, maybe I would.. but not for like a month, I seriously need to recover from that.
Are you experiencing chest pain?
Hahaha, uhhh... you know, I normally joke around with this question, but in all honesty I was really concerned for a good hour after I ate it. But no, no major chest pain. What I felt was probably just my anxiety playing tricks on me - or that's what I'm going to go with for now.
Would you recommend this product to anyone, and if so – in what circumstance?
Man, I would recommend this to anyone who wanted to hit the pinnacle of bacon. Like, shit, I forgot to do the bacon strips question, but this was a solid 10/10 bacon strips. This was more bacony than eating a strip of bacon, because of all the condensed bacon and the flavours bringing the bacon out. Like, okay, you know those people who do drugs or go skydiving or any sort of thing where people are going for 'peak experience'? Well, this was peak bacon. I sigma'd on bacon. *laughing* okay, like two people are going to get that joke, and I'm one of them. Haha.. Fuck. Amazing.
Would the dog eat it?
First off: Fuck you, I'm not feeding a 15 dollar burger to a dog. Not even a piece of it. Secondly: He's not in town, my dog-owning partners in bacon are out of town.